The Angry Rant

Well, the MTV movie awards aired last night, and like any dedicated journalist (HA!), I watched them. Here are my thoughts:

Andy Samberg: Good host.

Eminem: Overrated.

Twilight: One of the worst movies that I haven’t seen.

Jonah Hill: I can’t figure out why he is popular.

Robert Pattinson: He won “Best Breakthrough Male” over Dev Patel of “Slumdog Millionaire.” That tells you everything you need to know about a cable station that plays roughly 13 minutes of music everyday, despite being called “Music Television.”

Paris Hilton’s My New BFF: Really? REALLY? Who actually wants to be her friend?

Megan Fox: As untalented as ever.

Twilight: This movie, totally blows. Yes? It just won its 9th award. Are 12-year-old girls voting for this? Oh, that’s right. Seriously, every time Twilight won an award, it sounded like a chorus of children getting their souls harvested by some sort of demon.

Something awesome just happened: Sasha Baron Cohen, doing Bruno, just landed his bare ass on Eminem’s face during a stunt that may or may not have been planned. Eminem then yelled “Are you fucking serious!?” before running out like a bitch.

Twilight: SUCKS. I can’t stress this enough.

Hayden Panettiere: She just rapped or something with “Big Pak,” a very poorly thought out commercial for Orbitz gum. I don’t know, but I think she should be embarrassed.

Jim Carrey showed up. I like that guy.

Kristen Stewart won “Best Female Performance.” Really? REALLY? Watching her act is like watching a mouse slowly get devoured by a snake. She looks awkward and uncomfortable, ALL THE TIME. Use a comb or something. And enunciate, for God’s sakes.

Ben Stiller got roasted by Zac Efron, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and Keifer Sutherland. Best part of the show.

Twilight: Seriously, I got ocular cancer from watching the “exclusive” clip from the new movie. Holy eff, these movies suck, our future generation is doomed if “Twilight” is the new standard for films.

I stopped watching around the two hour mark. Honestly, I can’t take any more of this. I’d rather watch “Juno” again than have to sit through any more of this. I mean that.

Tags:   MTV Movie Awards · TWILIGHT REALLY SUCKS LOLZ1 Comment