The Angry Rant

Didja ever meet someone who you sort of just want to punch? Not actually punch, just maybe give them a shake and say “Hey! Knock it off!”? Yeah? Me too.

Meet Ariel Wade, a 37-year-old former exotic dancer from St. Paul, Minnesota. She is engaged in a legal row with the hamburger chain White Castle. Last week, Wade was refused service to the after-hours drive-thru window because she wasn’t in a car. Wade uses a motorized cart to get around because she suffers from degenerative arthritis. White Castle claims that their safety policy prohibits drive-thru service to non-licensed motor vehicles. Wade claims that it’s not only discrimination against people with disabilities, but also against those who can’t or don’t drive.

And that is why she is The Angry Rant’s first official Jerk O’ The Week!

First of all, stop it. This is the kind of crap that is ruining our country. She isn’t being discriminated against because she is “disabled”. She isn’t even being discriminated against. It’s because she can’t or won’t drive. And you know who else can’t drive? My 11-year-old little brother who I just invented for this example. He can’t operate a motor vehicle, so it stands to reason that they won’t let him cruise through the White Castle to order himself some delicious Sliders. Even though his big wheel can top out at around 7 MPH on a windy day, he still can’t use the drive-thru. Is he considering legal action? No, he is not. Why? Well, first, because he is a terrible negotiator, and he would settle for free milkshakes for the rest of his life. Second, BECAUSE HE DOESN’T HAVE A CASE and he isn’t a complete idiot. You cannot take a non-road legal motor vehicle into a drive through for safety reasons, and that’s that. The fast food joints would be up to their ears in litigation as a result of all the accidents that would be caused when Jazzys or 10-speeds start clogging up the drive-thru lane.

Secondly, in her own words, she is doing this for anyone “…who doesn’t have a car, who can’t or don’t drive.” Lookit, no one is telling her that she can’t use the drive-thru. She just need to do it on the terms of the business. That’s like me walking into a bank and asking to withdraw $500 in pennies. They won’t be able to accommodate me because of how much of a colossal pain in that ass that would be. However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t take out the money in bigger bills. That’s what this is. No one is stopping anyone from using the drive-thru window. If Wade had a car, or if she knew someone who has a car, then go nuts. She could eat herself into a coma for all I care.

Thirdly, this is what Wade looks like. She is what you would consider to be “obese.” If you’re anything like me, then you’ve already put 2 and 2 together. Did you get 4? Good job! Back to the task at hand. Obesity can cause, or at the very least, help along the progression of degenerative arthritis. Just like it can any other muscle, joint, or back condition. Added weight puts more stress on the body, which only exacerbates or causes more problems. My question: Are Wade’s problems the result of her lifestyle? Obviously, if she is willing to waste time and taxpayer resources on a frivolous (yes, this is frivolous) lawsuit, then I’m not out of line in assuming that White Castle plays a pretty big part in her life. Kind of like how water plays a big part in the existence of life on this planet.

Perhaps I’m just insensitive to the plight of the misfortunate, but perhaps I’m just thinking clearly. In my opinion, White Castle is doing you a favor. You’ve got degenerative arthritis and you have a weight problem. I’d say low grade beef and french fries are the last thing you need.

Tags:   Jerk O' The Week · Stupid people OMG · White Castle6 Comments