Oh, America. You’ve gone and done it now.
Just when it looked like you couldn’t get any lower, you’ve managed to give Kendra Wilkinson from The Girls Next Door her own reality show. To be fair, it’s a lot like watching Barack Obama give a speech, except that he has a learning disability, fake tits, and a laugh so obnoxious that it could end the war on terror if someone was smart enough to weaponize it.
Guess where she wears her bonnet.
It’s not that I don’t like bleach blonde girls with low IQs that pretty much sum up the stereotype with startling accuarcy; rather, I hate them. I hate their self important demeanor, their sense of entitlement, and their me first attitude. And, if it were up to me, everyone should. Kendra, like Paris Hilton, has become a sort of fractured role model for girls. Terrifyingly stupid girls, but girls nonetheless. These people are looked up to with the same sort of reverence that use to be granted to actual role models – you know, like firemen, teachers, astronauts, and the guy who invented Play-Doh.
But, our society being as effed up as it is, the brass over at E! decided it was time for Kendra to spread her legs wings and live without the geriatric safety net of Hugh Hefner. According to the show’s website: “Kendra Wilkinson has left [kicked out for two 18-year-olds] the Mansion! See what’s in store for Hef’s former girlfriend as she builds a career[softcore porn], plans her wedding [honeymoon sex tape] and makes a new life for herself and her fiancé, Hank Baskett [until she nails someone from the Dallas Cowboys] .”
In other words, “Watch as Kendra masturbates to herself!” This show is so self-serving, even the opening credits are pretty much blowing her. Metaphorically speaking, that is. I hope.
Watch!
Words. There are none.
Here are some things that deserve their own show before Kendra:
1. The bowel movement I made last night – Can you imagine? It’d be so exciting! We could watch as it goes to the supermarket, to the movies, or to the beach. And it even gets set up on a blind date with Brody Jenner!
2. The door greeters from Wal-Mart – What are they really like, you know? I bet they are all whores. Or just old people with too much time. Probably whores, though.
3. The guy who attaches those plastic tips on the end of shoelaces – Those things are called “aglets,” by the way. Which is also probably what that guy calls his rod. “Hey ladies, care to meet my aglet?” I never said it would work.
4. This guy.
5. Christopher Walken – This isn’t a joke, I just really want him to have a reality show. It could be called “Walken In My Shoes!” It practically writes itself!
6. A cat in a tuxedo – How did that cat get a tuxedo? Is he going to a fancy gala? Is he a spy? Is there a Kitty Prom that we are unaware of?
7. Anyone with a pool – You know, because swimming pool = fun.
8. Your neighbor Gus – Because his name is Gus!
9. Chevy Chase – Oh, well. That didn’t work out too good the first time. Still, the dude is funny.
And finally…
10. Anyone but Kendra. Literally, anyone. Anyone that isn’t that waste of space who is only famous because she didn’t mind nailing an octogenarian.
Tags: I LOVE YOU CHEVY CHASE · Kendra Wilkinson · stupid · The Girls Next Door3 Comments
Haha! I love it. This chick has been pissing me off ever since I saw the show Girls Next Door. Just goes to show what a little tits and ass can get you these days.
6. A cat in a tuxedo – How did that cat get a tuxedo? Is he going to a fancy gala? Is he a spy? Is there a Kitty Prom that we are unaware of?
ha..fantastic.
I think the Christpher Walken idea would be great. I’d deffinitely tune in for an episode to see anyway. Thats way more then I’m going to do for Kendra. It would be good tv if people just pranked her all the time and that was the show “Pranking Kendra”. Well I guess it wouldn’t be too good since she’d never get it.