The Angry Rant

Just when it seemed that our culture couldn’t go any further into the intellectual gutter, VH-1 throws us a curveball and produces yet another “celebrity” dating show.

This time around, the lucky (if you call being hounded by 14 crazies, lucky) man is Ray J.

Who?

Exactly.

For the uninformed (and I assume that is everyone) Ray J is a rapper *cue laughter* who is best known for being in a sex tape with socialite and celebrity imposter-extraordinaire Kim Kardashian, and for being the brother of former mediocre pop star, Brandy.

That’s right, the guy who is most famous for having sex with someone who is only famous for having a gigantic ass is getting his own reality show. So he can find love with women, who I can only assume are not mentally disabled. But would any of us be surprised if that wasn’t the case?

The show, which is aptly named “For the Love of Ray J,” documents the journey of one man and his attempt to find love in a world where love appears to elude all of us. Once, when love was something that was free and abundant like so much sand on a beach, it is now merely a specter, taunting us in the fog that is called life, daring us to chase after it, only to vanish into nothingness and leave us empty, and alone. *tear*

HA! But seriously, he just tries to nail every one of these broads because they want to be on television.

But really, is that the best title you could think of? “For the Love of Ray J?” That’s all you got? Tsk, tsk, tsk. I can do better than that, so I will proceed to suggest more appropriate names based on Academy Award winning movies: The Skankfather, Citizen Skank, Casa-Skanka, the Skank-Parted, No Country For Old Skanks, Lord of the Skanks: The Return of the Clap, Skankheart, Nailing Miss Skanky, The Skank Hunter, From Skank to Skankternity, and finally, My Fair Skank.

Wow, that was fun. But seriously, how awesome “Skankheart” be? Effing awesome, that’s how much.

Let’s get serious and ask ourselves, “Why are we giving this guy his own show?” Is it not enough that we had to suffer through Flava Flav and Bret Michaels? The talent is getting worse and worse as these musicians get their own shows. Whose next, William Hung? (Oh dear God, did I just say that? The suits at VH-1 didn’t hear that, did they?)

But more importantly, who are these girls that want to be on the show? Do any of them even know who he is? Do any of them care? NO! They want to be on television, because they want their 15 minutes of sexually transmitted disease riddled fame, that’s why. If we were to send Ray-J (actually, I’m going to call him by his real name, William) to the moon tomorrow, and he was never seen again, would anyone say “Hey, what happened to Ray J?” Of course not! Why? Because nobody cares about someone who isn’t best known for their chosen profession. William is best known for his gallivanting with the caboose of Kim Kardashain, and NOT his music.

(But what if we did send him to the moon? I speculate that he’d still get his own dating show, but it would have a different name, like “Moon Rock of Love” or “Moon Poon”.)

Back on point, if you are not known for your actual profession (in this case, talent-less musician), then you’re not deserving of a reality show. Alex Rodriguez is known for being one of the greatest baseball players of all time, not for dating Madonna. See the difference?

Anyhow, if the show wasn’t bad enough (trust me, it is), the website is even worse. It describes William as an “…acclaimed singer…

Josh Groban is an acclaimed singer. Beyonce is an acclaimed singer. He is not.

…songwriter…

The lyrics for “Sexy Can I” aren’t exactly setting the world on fire.

Sexy, can I hit it from the front?/Can I hit it from the back? Know you like it like that/Then we take it to the bed, then we take it to the floor/Then we chill for a second, then we’re back for some more

Wow, I was misinformed. He is acclaimed.

But just for kicks, let me take a stab at this

Let’s hit up the club, sipping on the bub, moving all night, feeling so right/ Lookin’ fly in my ride, girl by my side, make them other ladies cry, do it to you all night

Lennon and McCartney, eat your heart out.

Those lyrics took me 50 seconds to write, LITERALLY. And they are just as good, and if I didn’t tell you that I wrote them, you wouldn’t know the difference.

…actor…

His biggest claim to fame was starring alongside Shaquille O’Neal in Steel. In 1997.

…celebrated “bad boy” of Hollywood…

Right up there with Haim and Feldman, right?

…ultimate ladies man…”

George Clooney is the ultimate ladies man; that’s not even an argument. His track record isn’t even that spectacular. Besides Kardashian, (who doesn’t even count) who has he dated? Whitney Houston? Is anyone impressed by that? Congratulations, you allegedly dated Whitney Houston in 2007, which is more than a decade past her prime. Let’s face it, that’s like bragging about getting a pair of Reebok Pumps last Christmas.

Ok, let’s recap: William = Not Famous.

For the Love of Ray J = Television show where fame whores throw themselves at him.

Me = Arguably more famous than William.

So where is my television show?

I’m serious about this. Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton and Brody Jenner get their own shows, why can’t I? What have they done to deserve it? Except being born into favorable circumstances, they’ve done nothing.

But really, I deserve my own show, too! Come on, it can be called “Rant of Love!” Or better yet, why not just call it “Hey Fame Whores: Embarrass Yourself!”

The reality is that there are people would want to be in that show.

And that is sad.

But really, we totally need to make “Skankheart.”

Related Blogs

• Related Blogs on Ray J
• Ray J – Sexy Ladies | Urban Music

• Related Blogs on reality television
• Watching the TV « Madness Brewing v3.0
• TubeFactor: When will reality TV go online? | Mortgage Broker and …
• Free Ringtones

• Related Blogs on skanks
• Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks …
• Skanks at Risk — Is HBO Unsafe? « Innocent Bystanders
• Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks …
• p2pnet news » Blog Archive » Liskula Cohen vs Skanks of New York
• Guitar Tabs

Tags:   Ray J · reality television · skanks3 Comments