Eccentric Billionaire Behavior: The Dinner Party

We all want to be billionaires, but can’t all be eccentric. As I’ve often said, the key to being a good billionaire isn’t about the money, it’s about being eccentric and borderline mad.

I’ve created this guide to help you along.

First up, The Dinner Party.

Have a room that is exclusively for dining, equipped with one long table and two chairs at either end. Mandate that all meals must be eaten in that room and at that table, and the chairs can never leave their respective ends.

The longer the table, the more eccentric. If you must, the chairs should be affixed so that they cannot be moved except to get closer to the table.

As far as the food goes: the louder, the better. Soups are good, as are whole stalks of celery. Ideally, the floors and walls should be materials that are non-conducive to absorbing sound. Marble works best.

Regarding the butler: His name should be uncommon, but not stuffy. A stuffy named like Geeves is expected. Instead, the butler should have a name that is from a different culture. For instance, if your butler is Asian, give him an Irish name. It will confuse your guests, heightening the sense of eccentricity.

Also, your butler should only speak in overly complicated allegories and fables, as if he is always giving advice.

For example:
(In this example, the butler is name Ka’Kalie. He is from Minnesota.)
Guest: Good evening, Ka’Kalie
Ka’Kalie: The sun rose up among the grass and leaves, and the dew was wet on the ground. And I was home again.
Guest: Right…where do I put my coat?
Ka’Kalie: The real question is, where does your coat put you?