The Angry Rant

Chris Brown, recent inductee to the Asshole-Hall of Fame, woman beater wing, took to the YouTubes to plug his new album and to reassure us that he is, in fact, not a monster. (I beg to differ. More on that later.)

In the 37 second video, Brown (The same color of shit. Coincidence? Nah.) with an assist from Bow Wow, talks about his new album, the haters, and his monsterdom.

Here’s the video, in all it’s grainy glory…

A few things, CB. I get that you’re a celebrity, and that the rules don’t necessarily apply to you, but when you are pretty much on trial for beating the hell out of your girlfriend (allegedly), you might want to avoid the spotlight. You know, like release parties, vacations, or YouTube videos with mediocre “musicians”.

But really, Christopher, you’re a monster. You are. How else do you explain this? Those bruises weren’t the result of all those hugs that you gave her, or because your songs are awesome, or because of the economy. They are there because you are a despicable person who should be hiding under a rock to hide your shame. A big rock. Preferably, with a great big fat guy sitting on it. And maybe that fat guy takes a few swings at your face. With a hammer.

You see, Chris, those “haters” that you are referring to don’t have a problem with your music. They have a problem with men who beat women to the point that they are nearly unrecognizable. That’s their problem. They could really care less if “Run It” was a number one  single. But what the do care about is you hitting Rihanna. That’s the issue. That’s why they are “haters.” You hit her, and you’ll probably get away with it because that’s what happens to pieces of shit. They rarely get the comeuppance they deserve. (Hitler deserved far worse than a self-inflicted gunshot wound, for example.) Not to say that they don’t get punished, because you are already guilty (and justifiably so) in the eyes of the public. But you aren’t going to go to jail. And you know that. So you can sit in your mansion and hang out with Bow Wow and P.Puffy Diddy Daddy, while Rihanna suffers the memories of your fists against her skull.

But then again, what do you care? You’re too busy playing grab ass with Bow Wow on YouTube and talking about your new shitty album that’s all but guaranteed to bomb. Act like a man for once in your life. I know that’s a tall order for a pussy like yourself, but you can at least pretend, just like you’re pretending that you didn’t beat your girlfriend. See, it’s not that hard! Reach into your pants and pretend you have a set of balls. That’s probably going to be tough, seeing as how they dissappeared three months ago, but imagine they are there, take your punishment like a man, and kindly, with no due respect, go fuck yourself.

Tags:   Chris Brown · DOUCHE OF THE YEAR · World's Greatest A-Hole1 Comment